So over the years, my sister and I have sat across each other, sometimes we’re having dinner, sometimes we’re cooking in the kitchen (well she is), sometimes we’re just laughing at something and being obnoxious and thinking we look pretty as we laugh (hell nah) and during those times, we have the IN CASE I GET MARRIED TALK. Where we add one thing to our IN CASE OF EMERGENCY LIST.


It’s always funny how these conversations start, “(InsertNameofSister) In Case I get married, I want…”, its never “When I get married…”

Nuh uh, we don’t got time for that.

Marriage to us, is exactly like an EMERGENCY EXIT DOOR. We don’t need it, but its there. The days go by and all we do is walk past it using the main door that has no restrictions, shiny red alarm, bold stick man running down stick stairs with no rail that I assume will cause him to fall to his death either on the third or fifth step, and sometimes if you’re lucky, the door comes with an axe. That’s nice of the National Safety Board.

Back to the story. So here’s my version of the conversation because I believe I started this worthy trend, she might say otherwise, but we both know it’s me.  In case I get married, I want my dress to be classic and regal. What did she say she wants again? Right. Mermaid. She wants her curves out and all those other shenanigans. I’m not much for the details and poofy stuff. I’m girly like that

In case I get married, I’m not getting pregnant for the next five or six years into this in case of emergency marriage because… well you’re not my in case of emergency husband so you don’t get to know that! Jokes on you, you little twit! I don’t remember my sister’s answers to this, so I’ll put N/A because I’ve always wanted to use it in a sentence without errs. Throwback to my past posts!


In case I get married, I don’t want the whole traditional wedding with friends and family, you’ve never even heard of since 1997. I want very few people, those who matter and those who matter the most. A small dinner reception and then a badass Instagram drool worthy honeymoon worth five star treatment, because I turned the dial and now the hallway in the mind’s gone red and lights are flashing that terrible scary noise is buzzing through my usual noise and we’re joining the running stick man on the rail-less stairs and probability of shit is high.

I just got married and double crossed myself, of course you have to leave with a bang.

I can’t remember the rest of the list but when I’m across my sister on that wooden white covered dining table eating whatever concoction the clan (my family) has decided to concoct for us, the list grows longer, you can tell my age easily and you can see I’m crazy on Thursdays.

So remember young ladies of tomorrow.

IN CASE YOU GET MARRIED… Carry a pair of scissors and an axe. I don’t know what they’re for, but I guess you’ll tell the rest of us when you get to use them. And it is not for opening presents from other guests. Ask the National Safety Board.



Wanna Be Sage.



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