I’m back. With actual content! Irreparable but still content!!! So… How do I even start this? Right. I’ve been deceived. I don’t know who deceived me though. Myself? My growing process? Or society at large? I don’t know but I’ve been deceived. That’s what I want to say. But I think it’s me though.
Deception exists y’all.
Why do I say I’ve been deceived? Why am I putting emphasis on this one word most millennials are unsure of the meaning, keyword is unsure. Because for a long time, well… long-ish married at first sight binging life (Yes Molly, I know), I believed I wasn’t brilliant enough. I was taught that being brilliant leaned towards the scientific, the mathematical, the ‘Eureka’ gravity defying moment. I saw nothing but that as the epitome of brilliance. That was the brilliance I wanted to achieve and the brilliance I felt I wasn’t striving hard enough for.
I wanted to be brilliant.
And so I strived in that post apocalyptic zombie filled life draining institution called school because I wanted to be brilliant. I wanted to excel. I wanted to dress up in that shiny robe and hat and get a freaking certificate that said ‘You survived Wanna Be. YOU ARE BRILLIANT’.
I wanted to be sparkly.
But then, I hit the current age I’m at. I feel old though. And I felt dissatisfied with my current state of brilliance. I was… unhappy. And I hate that word. ‘UNHAPPY’. It screams that there’s something in my life I’m not fulfilling. There’s some self-made standard in my life I wasn’t living up to.
I craved satisfaction.
And hey the human female is the least easily satisfied person on this planet. Have you seen her??? Sometimes nothing is ever good enough. And I don’t blame her or me. We have the ability to revolutionize the human species! I think we deserve a round of applause here.
I was holding myself back.
I had lost sight of what had become important to me. I had withheld my own brilliance. I was my own villain once again. I had allowed myself to judge my brilliance based on others.
I am human, man is to err. A lot. We err a lot. I mean have you seen our errs. I just really wanted to use that word in an informal setting. Nobody uses it if it’s not in that phrase? Saying? Proverb? Err… Who saw that pun coming! Huh? Even I didn’t!
Cabin Fever Conclusion
Brilliance is different. That’s what I’ve concluded thanks to my cabin fever. #cabinfever. I had limited myself to this box where I was working for something I wanted so hard to believe in, something I wanted to be but I couldn’t, and I was losing myself in this process. I wasn’t growing up, I was forgetting how wonderfully I can draw, write, and how good I am with my hands.
I’m a freaking genius y’all.
Because what I dream, I see, I remember, I think, I believe, I make and I let it free.
Ladies and gentlemen, I’m freaking Picasso in a turban.
I AM BRILLIANT.
So to everyone out there, whoever you are, reading this… I want you to know… You are brilliant. But not as much as me. I’m evil like that. Hehehehehe.
DISCLAIMER: STAY IN SCHOOL. I’M STILL THERE (let’s suffer together). BUT WITH A HUGE DIFFERENCE.
Wanna Be Sage.