My dearest reader, I give you… irreparable content as well as some take on MY anger.
It all started one fair morning. I (the great writer) woke up with no motivation whatsoever. So the usual way. The sun was either trying to bake and cook me simultaneously, so I opted to be served prime and left my bed ungracefully as possible. I can envision my sheets now… crumpled, tossed and unloved.
My sheets must hate me.
And I’m angry. See? I was just about to forget my anger and end this blog here but the post must live on! So ladies, gentlemen, cats, dogs and ducks, here’s a step by step list of how I deal with my self proclaimed anger:
- I keep quiet. For some reason my usually loud verbal diarrhea type of mouth, shuts up. And my face scrunches up so it looks like my eyebrows are molding or massaging (I like this word better) my skin. Think Katy Perry in Bon Appetit, except Migos isn’t here to rap my last verse and cunningly say “I don’t smoke weed”. Sorry if this reference makes no sense.
- Everyone around me becomes Sage enemy #1. Yep. You, dude with the bald head, blue shirt and shiny new wedding ring (congrats Paul, he looks like a Paul), then you Mary (randomly naming people at this point) your hair does not get to look better than mine when I’m in a state of negativity and you Rowen (I’ve been thinking of the name Rowen lately, to any Rowen reading this heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy) may you prosper and may your children marry my children because I’m too good for you right now. *Flips hair.*
- My hands turn into fists. Not that I’m a violent person. Occasionally I will give someone a #slappa on the arm (harmless really) but that’s it. I just want to look menacing and intimidate the two large loud talking serious faced women walking on the narrow sidewalk as I wait for them to finally just pass so I can walk (I’m passive aggressive).
- I get away from people and brood in silence. This is the best part. I seclude myself in a corner where I check my Instagram feed cause I know it’ll be filled with cute puppies, kittens, ducks fighting off bulls with their almost sharpened to kill beaks. It soothes me.
- I think happy thoughts. I do this in two ways 1. Daydreaming 2. Writing my blog. So as you can see dear reader I’m already at stage 5. I’ve already calmed down now. I think. I’m speaking softly and my eyes are glued to my phone because looking at people with this face that screams “I’m unhappy and cute right now” but on the inside I’m going “Rooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr”, is torture.
Wanna Be Sage.