To whom it may concern,
My name is well… you saw my name as you clicked this. So you know what you’re doing here, reading my heart wrenching cringey and yet phenomenal relationship with Unnie. Let’s call him that because his name is long yet regal and we’ve been dating for quite a while now.
As with all totally in love honey moon phased stars-dancing-in-their-eyes catastrophic females, we want to enlighten other women on how great ‘our’ man is. Well, ladies, he is big, I mean everyone has once in their lives encountered him. His very presence makes billionaires tremble and the common man flees leaving his weary boots behind. His eyes are a dark grey, when you look into them, you literally remember the prison that man has enslaved himself to. The prison of penniless love. His smile, shatters mirror upon mirror, causing outrage among households, and his face… my gawd, his face, indescribable, (but I will try, ladies) you will leave your man when you see that face. That’s the best I can do.
When he walks, he walks with a swagger, he walks as others fall into misery around him. He engulfs their dreams, creates impossibilities and destroys empires just with the very sole of his shoes. He is graceful, like a ballerina, the way he acts, breathes, it’s as if I’m looking at living ambrosia, made by man for man.
When he speaks, the masses tremble, even his full name (I will reveal it at the end) causes nationwide…. No… international disarray. Because ladies, he is a man among men, he is among the pinnacle of today’s global society. His name is shouted by politicians, prayed on by priests and cursed by the privileged.
How else can I describe him? This god among men? This dominant creature among us. He has traveled the seas and conquered them.I think it is correct to call him a traveler for he goes where he is not required, unwanted, like a weed on drugs. He is bold! No one can hold a candle to him.
As promised I will give his name and let you be the judge of his Instagram profile.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… Unemployment.
Wanna Be Sage.
Question though, is my pun game strong? Comment down below if improvement is in order. And do it politely. I’m delicate!